Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
