I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
