Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
