TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize