I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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