remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
