You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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