So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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