i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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