Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
