My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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