I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
