What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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