Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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