I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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