I want to make a zoo with you.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
