xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
