Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The air taste purple.
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