I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He passed out mid-signature
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
