dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
