I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let's get the cat blown out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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