Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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