I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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