Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
