dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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