Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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