Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
