why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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