She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
