Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
