Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize