the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
