I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
