you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im six kinds of drunk right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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