She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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