wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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