Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
