Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
