Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
