My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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