I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
