Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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