if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
