If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
