Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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