he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
