i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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