They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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