He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
