Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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