I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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