Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
