so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
