best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Alive.
So much puke
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Randomize