So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
