You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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