Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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