we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
