thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
