that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
