3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
